After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
