either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
