How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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