I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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