Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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