i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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