she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
