OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
