I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
