I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
