turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
