i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
