he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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