You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
