She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
