Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
