I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
