Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
