I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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