As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
