she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
