OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
