If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
