And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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