Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
