Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
