these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
