can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
PANTIES FOUND
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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