Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
