Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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