You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My bed smells like the plague
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