i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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