Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize