dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
