In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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