Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize