you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
