He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
