It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
