I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
