I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
