also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
