I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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