he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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