I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
