smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
