So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
