new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
