even my farts smell like vagina
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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