No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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