She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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