we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
