okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
