I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
