Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
