Swine flu. Run for my life!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
