at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Iām torn. Sheās crazy - like legitimately āWear your skin as a suitā crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
