Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
