New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize