It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
