I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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