quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize