Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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