yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
