4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
