There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
