if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
