I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize