I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
