If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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