Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
