I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
God, I missed his penis.
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