I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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