That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
