I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
