We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
