put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
