I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
