She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
