just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
