Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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