idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
