Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
