The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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