I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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