Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my poor anus
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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