If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
