and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize