you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
