that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
