So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
