Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
